It’s been over a year since I’ve blogged here. A lot has happened in that year. To summarise, I left my husband, moved away from my family home with my 4 kids and started again. No home, few possessions, no friends, no proper job, no confidence. It wasn’t a fun time. In fact, from May – November 2012 was the darkest period in my whole life, ever. But I’m still here, still breathing and happier now than I’ve ever been in my life.
I did have another blog which I turned to in the dark days, I may well import the entries here sometime but they are painful for me to read at the moment.
So whats going on with me now? Well, the kids and I are settled and happy in our new home. Their dad is still as good a dad as he ever was and they see him lots. We have 8 animals – all of whom are as crazy as the rest of us – and a whole lot of fun. Things feel normal for the first time in ages.
Workwise I’ve found a little niche for myself and am working on lots of copywriting and design projects. I’m doing some data entry and other adminy bits at the same time and am a distributor of Forever Living products as well. I’m still very very broke but getting through it. Not sure how much else I could ask for at the moment.
I’m learning who I am and what I can and can’t do. I am slowly learning to trust again and tentatively making new friends and getting out there into the real world. Its difficult and scary but it is what it is. I long to be the person that I was 12 years ago. The girl who loved and trusted 100%, without hesitation. Who knew that the world was a good place, who had never doubted herself or the people who loved her. Who had never been hurt. But I know I will never be her again, the best I can ask for is to be me. Me, with all my baggage. If I could work out how to do that then I think I would have the world at my feet.
The picture? Its a hill that I run up, and down. Up and down until the tears run down my face and my legs and chest hurt and I feel as though I can’t breathe through the pain any more. Then I know I’m alive and I am going to be OK.