Holiday season

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It’s been over a year since I’ve blogged here.  A lot has happened in that year.  To summarise, I left my husband, moved away from my family home with my 4 kids and started again.  No home, few possessions, no friends, no proper job, no confidence.  It wasn’t a fun time. In fact, from May – November 2012 was the darkest period in my whole life, ever. But I’m still here, still breathing and happier now than I’ve ever been in my life.

I did have another blog which I turned to in the dark days, I may well import the entries here sometime but they are painful for me to read at the moment.

So whats going on with me now?  Well, the kids and I are settled and happy in our new home.  Their dad is still as good a dad as he ever was and they see him lots.  We have 8 animals – all of whom are as crazy as the rest of us – and a whole lot of fun.  Things feel normal for the first time in ages.

Workwise I’ve found a little niche for myself and am working on lots of copywriting and design projects.  I’m doing some data entry and other adminy bits at the same time and am a distributor of Forever Living products as well.  I’m still very very broke but getting through it. Not sure how much else I could ask for at the moment.

I’m learning who I am and what I can and can’t do. I am slowly learning to trust again and tentatively making new friends and getting out there into the real world. Its difficult and scary but it is what it is.  I long to be the person that I was 12 years ago.  The girl who loved and trusted 100%, without hesitation. Who knew that the world was a good place, who had never doubted herself or the people who loved her.  Who had never been hurt. But I know I will never be her again, the best I can ask for is to be me.  Me, with all my baggage.  If I could work out how to do that then I think I would have the world at my feet.

The picture?  Its a hill that I run up, and down.  Up and down until the tears run down my face and my legs and chest hurt and I feel as though I can’t breathe through the pain any more. Then I know I’m alive and I am going to be OK.

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