So, lets check in and see how my mental health is doing?
Since telling hubby that I was leaving him I’ve had some ups and downs in terms of mental health.
At no point have I felt like I was suffering from depression again though. That was MUCH worse than this. I’ve had feelings of being helpless and out of control, periods of not eating, not sleeping, crying uncontrollably – but I’ve not felt as totally hopeless as I did when I had depression.
2 weeks ago I had a very bad time. I kind of tipped over an edge that left me sobbing all night and then again all day at work and my closest friend putting me on suicide watch, with hourly texts and phone calls to make sure I hadn’t done anything silly. I went to the doctors and told them that I had fallen apart. That I hadn’t eaten or slept for about 40 hours. That I couldn’t see a way forward and I didn’t know what to do.
They put me back on Sertraline. I was expecting this but didnt want it. I remember how hard it was to come off them before, and how anxious I was. I remember how sick and tired they made me feel for the first 2 weeks of being on them and I didn’t feel AS bad this time as I did when I had them before.
The doctor explained that she didn’t think I was suffering from depression but that she wanted me to have some support. Some help. Something to lean on. She suggested I do a month at 50mg a day and then go back and see her and drop the dose down with a view to being on them for no longer than 3 months.
I’m kind of comfortable with this. I have taken them for 2 weeks and am getting through the feeling shit every day phase. I do feel more in control, I’m not sure if this is because of other events or the drugs but I’m not about to stop taking them and find out.